Who am I? Who is my Authentic Self? Who is my Identity? When am I being my Ego? What is transformation? Questions, questions and more questions and sometimes, in instead of providing clarity, it simply creates more confusion.
Yesterday morning I coached a friend I haven't seen in a few years. She repeatedly checked in with me to make sure I had my coffee before we started the session. Rather confused by it all, I reflected a bit to see where it could be coming from and then it hit me!
The last experience and reference Sandra had of me was when I still thought of myself as being a 'B-Y-T-C-H before Coffee' and how that translated into my world was that I would be in the foulest mood before I have my first sip of coffee. I would be manic if there wasn't any coffee around, I would 'plan' my sleep overs with my coffee pot and take along my personal stash of coffee, not even my mother was spared and to 'safe guard' herself, she used to stock up on my favorite coffee when I was expected to visit...:-) I never felt there was anything 'wrong' with the fact that I needed coffee to jump start my day (and my mood) and took responsibility for it by communicating to people that they should simply not bother me before my first sip if they valued the relationship...:-) so no surprise after reflection, why Sandra was insistent on knowing if I had that sip yet...:-)
The part that she missed over the years is that I no longer associated who I am with coffee. The 'B-Y-T-C-H before Coffee' doesn't exist any longer and I now have freedom to choose my morning beverage. Most mornings I still choose coffee, but I gave up thinking that it's a part of who I am, part of who I Identify myself as being, so it doesn't affect me either way.
I never consciously joined the dots (and there have been several other similar instances) until yesterday morning and on reflection, I got a deeper layer of an awareness; The more I give up who I think 'I am', the more the true
Me reveals itself.
This feels totally liberating! Think
about it; When you think of yourself in a certain way (regardless if you perceive/judge
it as positive or negative), it takes energy and 'doing' to live it. As
an example: If I think of myself as being a 'straight shooter' always shooting
straight from the hip, brutally honest in the moment and not taking prisoners...
then I have to 'live up' to being a straight-shooter all the time, I have
to ensure that the world sees and experiences this straight-shooter, I have to defend
and protect the straight-shooter all the time, at any cost, because if I cease to
be the straight-shooter, then who am I?
Now what I GOT yesterday morning is; What if I give up all thoughts of who I think I am? I don't have to protect anything, defend anything, or do anything unless I actually want to and not because I have to! What people think of me would not be important because I am not 'doing' anything, or protecting who I am, I'm simply showing up in life. Can you imagine the freedom and liberation in that space?
What a revelation! This may be on the level of 'Awareness for Dummies' and I admit I'm a bit slow in the 'getting' department, however with this new layer, I GET what transformation is all about...Giving up my ideas and thoughts of who I am! How simple is that?
Pop a bottle of champers! Three cheers for liberation and transformation!
Powered By Giddyup.co.za